Dream on fatty.
Kategori: Livet

Every larva wants to be a butterfly
Every cat wants to be a lion
Every rino wants to be a unicorn
...and every human wants to be a photoshopped model.
Kategori: Livet
Kategori: Livet
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Kategori: Livet
Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”
Customer: “Yes, yes. Sure is busy here.”
Me: “I guess that’s because of the season, ma’am. Everyone’s out getting last-minute holiday gifts.”
Customer: “Oh, I see, yes. I haven’t needed to buy any gifts for a while. Everyone I love is dead.”
Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that!”
Customer: *stares at me intently* “Someday, everyone you love will be dead, too.”
Me: “Uh…”
Customer: “Merry Christmas, now!”
Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like me to take your groceries to your car?”
Customer: “…into MY car?”
Me: “Yes, I can do that for you.”
Customer: “You want a lift in my car!”
Me: “No, ma’am. I can take your groceries to your car for you and return the trolley.”
Customer: “But I still have groceries in my trolley! You can’t take my trolley yet! I’m not done!”
Me: “Ma’am, if you want to do it yourself, that’s fine.”
Customer: “Wait! I need help!”
Me: “Alright, where did you park your car?”
Customer: “Hold on! Why the h*** do you need to know where my car is?”
Me: “So I can put your things in there.”
Customer: “No, this doesn’t sound right. I’m onto you!”
(The customer shuffles away with her trolley, periodically turning around to look at me suspiciously.)
Kategori: Livet
Kategori: Livet
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Maria:
First, soldier, you have to prepare for your mission.
This is the list of items that you will need:
1 x Teddy bear
1 x Bottle of ketchup
1 x unsuspecting neighbour
1 x bottle of glue alternatively duct tape.
Get back to me when you have acquired these items.
Over and out!
Tysk:
first part of mission completed.
over and out!
Maria:
Next step is to cut the teddy open, pour the ketchup into the pig and
await further instructions.
PS. If you have intestine-looking props hanging around, feel free to
include them.
PS2. If you are not soldier enough to kill a teddy for the sake of
mankind then you are NOT a soldier!
Get back to me when you have prepared the teddy!
Over
Tysk:
done. cruel person you are! but well, i guess ill have to do it heh. the teddy didnt even scream.
over and out!
Maria:
Good work soldier!!
Now, for the unsuspecting neighbour.
Does this neighbour have a car? Or any other sort of vehicle?
Over
Tysk:
the neighbours are really stupid. they've put mud in front of our frontdoor without any reason.
yes, they have a car. and theyr babykids bike ^^
over and out
Maria:
A grand observation soldier!
A child, hm? I like this already...
Addition to the list:
1 package of cooked spaghetti
More ketchup.
get back to me when the items are acquired.
Over!
Tysk
spaghettis will be cooked in about 8 mins.
spaghetti well cooked. they taste good.
i need more informations.
over and out
Maria:
Mix the pasta well with the ketchup. ALOT of ketchup.
Now, to the core of your mission, Soldier.
These neighbours you speak off will get a taste of their own spewing
guts on doors ans sitch.
For tonight soldier, you will place the bycycle by the car...
Is this a school / daycare night?
Over
Tysk:
well mixed. still tastes delicious.
schoolnight
Maria:
Good.
Now, what you do is you place the bicycle by the car (preferably in
the cover of night, like any good soldier would.)
You may want to include a friend or the likes for the next step.
You place the teddy on the hood of the car and the ketchup ed pasta on
the bicycle.
It is vital that you are not seen during this procedure.
Do you have ninja-training?
Over
Tysk:
ill do it with my two friends who live near my house. we will not be seen. i dont have ninja-training, but as im a balletdancer im very good in doing pirouettes to confuse my enemy.
over. part of the mission will be accomplished in about 15 mins, when they were here.
Maria:
Good work soldier!
I will check back with you later tonight.
No communication will be availible until then.
I suggest you hide these emails well.
Good luck Soldier!
Over and out
Tysk:
i shall be waiting for further instructions.
over and out
Maria:
What is your progress soldier?
Over.
Kategori: Livet
Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
Kategori: Livet
Friday, thank fuck its finally friday.
Feels like I have been waiting since I was born for Friday to show up.
Today it's cold, no snow, but cold enough to wear a hat to work and be cozy and drink coffee not only to fight the head but to keep warm as well. Feels nice.
Anywho, I was thinking on my way to work this morning about how to save the world.
I gave up half way here.
Today I post a place for the blog www.textsfromlastnight.com
A nice place to contemplate tonights events.
Cheers.